Unprepared
I didn’t really enter May with a plan.
I was still tired from being sick in April, catching up on things that had been postponed, and already feeling a bit overwhelmed. Everything felt urgent all at once. And then – pink.
The first days of May were cold. Really cold. I was freezing and completely unprepared. I hadn’t expected that at all, and of course I didn’t have a pink jacket. For a moment I thought about buying one, but it quickly became clear that it wouldn’t make sense. After those first days, May slowly turned warm and almost summery. So I layered up, waited it out, and moved on.
Going out all pink
One day I stood in front of the mirror in a neon pink blazer, a pink jumper underneath, and thought: This is a bit much.
I even considered wearing a jacket in another color on top, just to tone it down. My daughter suggested the same.
But I didn’t change.
I went out all pink.
It felt even more exposing than going out all in red. Pink is different. Rarer. Louder in its own way. There’s no hiding in it. I was cold, very visible, slightly uncomfortable – and still, I went. That alone felt like a small decision worth noticing.
A heavy month
May was not an easy month for me. Emotionally and mentally, it was heavy. I didn’t write much, barely showed up online, and had very little structure. I felt nervous, unfocused, restless. Like I had a thousand things to do, while my energy was still somewhere else.
And yet, ideas kept coming. Constantly.
That never really stops, no matter what state I’m in. I’m deeply grateful for it, even if I sometimes wish the ideas came with a clear order, or at least a pause button.
Pink on my body
Even when I wasn’t paying much attention to clothes, I would suddenly notice pink on my body – a jumper, my nails, small details. And it felt good. Comforting. Supportive.
If someone had offered me another color in those moments, I wouldn’t have wanted to change. Pink has strength, but it’s not loud or aggressive. It doesn’t push. It holds. In a month like this, I honestly can’t imagine another color that would have supported me in the same way.
Thinking about visibility
Like red before it, pink brought me back to the topic of visibility. But this time in a quieter way.
I realized that maybe I don’t need to force myself to be visible online. Maybe the more honest question is: When does visibility feel natural to me?
For me, that’s clearly in real life. With my people. With creatives. With those I don’t need to explain myself to. In those spaces, I feel like myself. Relaxed. Clear. That’s where I naturally connect, host, hold space…
Back in Bratislava
In the second half of May, I traveled to Bratislava. Officially to take care of documents. Unofficially, it became something much more.
I hadn’t been back in fifteen years. This is the city where I studied and lived for almost eight years. Where I moved at eighteen, alone, into another country, and simply started living. It was the freest, lightest time of my life.
Being back was emotional. A little sad., but beautiful. I met old friends, walked through familiar places, and felt like I was meeting a younger version of myself – one who believed the world was open and full of possibilities.
Pink everywhere
As always, pink was there in the small things – my nails, little everyday details, tiny rituals. And outside, nature followed along. Trees that had turned green in April started to bloom in May. In our garden, the tree bloomed in pink blossoms.
At one celebration, women were given roses. And I received a pink one. Random. Or not.
What pink did
May was heavy.
Pink didn’t make it lighter.
But it made it softer.
And sometimes, that’s exactly what I need.
If you’d like to read about previous color months, you can find them here:
