My August in White
After turquoise, I stepped into white almost impatiently.
I had been waiting for it.
I own a lot of white. I like wearing white. And after the heavy months behind me, white felt like a reset. A blank page. A white canvas. Something clean I could step onto without explanation.
A Full Month, Loosely Held
August began with school holidays. The month was tightly planned, almost every day filled, and yet it still felt looser than a school month. Busy, but somehow more breathable.
At the very beginning of August, we attended a wedding where everyone was asked to wear white. All guests dressed in white. It felt like a quiet, almost playful coincidence – white opening the month of white.
Shortly after, I travelled with the children to Serbia to see my parents, family, and friends. Every day was planned because I wanted to see so many people. At the same time, I felt my limits very clearly. I didn’t want to travel from city to city. I stayed in one place and told people: if you can come, come. I didn’t have the strength for more. The months before had taken a lot out of me. I needed rest, even inside all that closeness.
White in the Middle of Goodbye
I didn’t write a diary that month. Looking back now, I remember August through photos.
One photo stays with me: my two daughters, my grandmother, and me. All of us in white. Even my grandmother, with a white sheet gently resting over her.
I visited her several times in the nursing home. She had dementia. Sometimes she recognized me, sometimes I wasn’t sure. I felt, very quietly, that this might be the last time I would see her. I didn’t make it heavy or dramatic. I was simply very present with her. In my own way, I let her go – gently, with love, already holding the goodbye inside me.
She passed away a week later, while we were already on holiday.
Illness and Stillness
After celebrating my father’s birthday, we returned home briefly and then left the next day for Turkey, for two weeks in a resort. It was beautiful. And then, after a few days, my husband and I got sick. Really sick.
We ended up in hospital and spent almost a week barely able to eat or do anything at all. It was a strange kind of relief that our daughters were already old enough to go to the pool by themselves. We could lie still. Rest. Recover.
Wearing White Every Day
When we finally felt better, the holiday slowly opened up again. There were events at the resort: a foam party on the beach, where everything was white. And once a week, there was a white evening. Everyone was invited to wear white. The whole place was decorated in white. It felt calm and celebratory at the same time.
Every single day, I wore only white.
It felt effortless. Practical. Everything matched everything. I didn’t have to think. White was perfect for the heat. And somehow, wearing only white made me feel both simple and present. Quiet, but visible. There is something about being dressed head to toe in white – it doesn’t shout, but it does appear.
I remember thinking: maybe next summer I’ll do this again. Just white. Fewer decisions. Less weight.
White held everything that month – celebrations, illness, closeness, loss.
But what white actually did to me only became clearer afterward.
→ Continue reading: Part 2 — Meaning & Integration
Black, Red, Violet, Blue, Gray, Green, Pink, Yellow, Turquoise,
