My October in Orange
Part 1: Expectations and Resistance
After Brown
After September’s brown, I thought October would be easy.
Orange felt like a natural continuation. Autumn. Pumpkins. Falling leaves. Warm light. I was hoping for something close to red – energy, drive, warmth – a color I would slip into and not want to take off again.
That didn’t happen.
Late Entry
I didn’t start writing until October 18th. Almost three weeks passed without a single word. Not because the project stopped mattering – quite the opposite. I was full of ideas. But everything inside me felt crowded. Too much information, too many impressions. I couldn’t connect to the color.
The feeling reminded me of the purple month. I like orange as a color, but not on myself. Wearing it felt strange, as if I was pretending to be someone else. As if I was showing up as a version of myself that wasn’t true – and that made me uncomfortable, even a little ashamed.
Not in My Own Skin
That surprised me. There were other colors in this project that I rarely wore before – brown, for example. I never loved brown, yet when I wore it, I felt grounded, calm, completely in my body.
Orange didn’t give me that.
In orange, I didn’t feel at home in my own skin.
And yet, it is a beautiful color. There’s no denying that. Optimistic. Energetic. Full of life.
A Strong Combination
Orange feels like a mixture of red and yellow:
the drive and fire of red combined with the optimism and brightness of yellow. Slightly softened, but bundled together. A powerful combination.
I kept thinking about its contradictions. It’s the color worn by monks in Southeast Asia, living in simplicity and restraint. And at the same time, it’s the color of Hermès – one of the most luxurious brands in the world. It’s used for safety, for visibility, for warning. Prison uniforms in the U.S. are orange so they can’t be overlooked.
Orange always announces itself. It doesn’t whisper.
Perfect Month, Difficult Color
October, at least, was the perfect month for it. Everything outside was orange. Leaves, pumpkins, autumn light. I ate orange food almost daily – persimmons, oranges, mandarins, pumpkins, carrots, orange bell peppers.
I walked through orange landscapes, collected orange leaves, listened to them under my feet. When the sun came out, everything glowed.
And still, something didn’t settle.
In the second part, the focus shifts from the outside world to how much orange I could actually carry – on my body, in my wardrobe, and within myself.
