Yellow – the month that arrived when I needed light the most
Entering Yellow
After the previous color, I entered June feeling restless.
Lately, I had been missing a sense of joy in my life. I felt covered in worries and a quiet, underlying dissatisfaction. There was a constant tightness in my chest, moments when I caught myself holding my breath – as if even breathing had become careful.
It felt like a state that prevents growth.
Prevents blooming.
Like a permanent inner brake.
Surrounded by Color, Far from Its Feeling
And in the middle of all that – I was surrounded by yellow.
Yellow clothes.
Yellow nail polish.
Writing with a yellow pen.
Yellow flowers next to me.
Such a beautiful color.
And yet, inside, everything felt far from yellow’s joy.
I hoped, very gently, that yellow might help me climb out of that state. Not as a solution, more like quiet support.
The Pause in Writing
Then I stopped writing.
Partly because I felt overwhelmed and scattered, but also because, right in the middle of June, we traveled to the Netherlands. Two weeks of school holidays, moving slowly by boat through canals, and a few days in Amsterdam. During that trip, I actually got sick for a couple of days.
Looking back, that doesn’t surprise me at all. Before the journey, I had been tense for a long time, stretched thin by obligations, expectations, and my own perfectionism.
Overwhelm and Stagnation
I felt flooded – by tasks, by messages, by emails that constantly pulled new steps behind them. I kept asking myself how to find clarity and focus in such unsupportive circumstances.
I knew that doing my best and simply finishing things would be far healthier than striving for perfection. And yet, I stayed stuck. Stagnant. For months.
Toward the end of June, my enthusiasm for the project itself started to fade.
Not for wearing the colors, I never doubted I would finish that part, but for writing about them. For sharing. It felt like it only made sense for me, that it had no value for anyone else. I lacked energy, motivation, and, most of all, meaning.
What Yellow Actually Left Me With
Only on the very last day of the month did I ask myself a different question:
What actually stayed with me from yellow?
Yellow is a bright color. The most visible in the spectrum. Like red, you can’t not see it – but it creates a completely different feeling, in me and in others.
Red demands attention. It pulls energy toward the wearer.
Yellow gives. It gives energy to the wearer, but also to the one who looks at it. And what fascinates me most: it gives without taking anything away.
The Energy I Was Missing
Maybe that’s exactly what I needed most.
Lightness. Playfulness. Joy. Ease. Even a bit of naïveté.
There were many synchronistic moments that month. Yellow flowers everywhere. Even yellow water lilies floating in Dutch canals. A hotel with yellow bed linen and yellow towels – something I don’t remember ever experiencing before.
Our neighbor gave us two or three kilos of lemons from her own tree. That had never happened before – and of course, it happened in this yellow month.
Yellow on the Road
Traveling through the Netherlands, yellow kept showing up. Wooden clogs. Cheese. Bicycles.
My younger daughter, whose favorite color is yellow, wore yellow almost every day. Often, we were both dressed in yellow. One morning, while we were still asleep in the harbor, a completely yellow boat parked right next to us. Out of all the possible spots, it chose that one.
Wearing and Choosing Yellow
I also received a compliment while wearing butter yellow – that I looked younger.
Even though yellow doesn’t suit me in every shade, I realized how good I feel in it. I enjoy seeing it, on myself and around me.
That’s probably why, when I needed a dresser for our bedroom, I chose it in yellow. A big, sun-filled piece on the wall – something that greets me with light in the morning, even when there is none outside.
Yellow June
Maybe yellow isn’t the color that suits me best.
But no other color carries this kind of cheerful, warm, sun-like energy.
And it turns out – it suits me more than I ever thought.
I think this might actually be my favorite color.
Sorry, green.
You can find all other color recaps from this project here:
